I am dating a very good Christian guy who is in a different country from where I am now. While waiting to get married in a few years time, we still need to maintain our intimacy and so he suggested that we have sex on the phone. I really see the need to be intimate since he is no ordinary male friend. I’ve been praying about this suggestion and I was wondering if it’s a sin? He thinks it only becomes a sin when we have physical contact. What do you think? If it’s a sin, what do you suggest we do to keep our relationship intimate while waiting?
Dear Struggling,
You would do well to wonder what this so-called Christian guy wants of you in the way of “intimacy”! Jesus said that if a man lusts after a woman, he commits adultery in his heart with her. Sex by phone fits that description — and it will be true of you too. God’s Word tells his people, “Keep yourself pure” (1 Timothy 5:22). If you engage in this kind of behavior, there’s no way you can keep your mind pure.
You call this guy “a very good Christian guy.” In view of what he wants, he is neither good nor acting like a Christian. Basically he wants you to do for him what Internet prostitutes do for guys! And if you went along with him, you would be defiled and cheapened — and harm your relationship with God.
Intimacy of the kind spoken of here should be reserved for married couples. Rather than give you advice on how you can stay “intimate” and together with this man, I really think you should ask the Lord if it would be wise to break off with him and flee his bad influence entirely. If you know and love the Lord, I believe he would want you to ultimately marry a truly good and decent Christian who is following him and living his way.
I’m praying for you. Look to Jesus, and obey him, dear.
In his love,
Dr. Muriel Larson